What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
