I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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