you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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