I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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