I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
