I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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