You're my little dorito
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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