well I can't set my house on fire every night
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
