when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
