Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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