Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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