Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
