You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
