The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I believe in your delicious
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
