i'm signing you up for texting rehab
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
