I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i think my tv is drunk
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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