Me. At least after what I've been through.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
