Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just high enough for therapy.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
