the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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