I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So vagazzling was a success
Did you pee in the oven last night??
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
