You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
