My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
