i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
