whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
