I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
