i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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