Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
