i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
