By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
