Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
