My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
