Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize