Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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