Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
