i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
