im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
