I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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