Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
