First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
