he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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