these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize