SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
