Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
