if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
