we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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