Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize