I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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