I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
