you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
