I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You did what with his pubic hair?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
