why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
