the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
