There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think I won the penis lottery.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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