She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
