She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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