Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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