idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
