Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
third nipple confirmed
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
