Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
