Soap is not a condiment
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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