So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
