i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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